Cara Maat

Hope

2011-09-27T09:25:00.000-07:00

Come wind of weary, help
Move light upon this heart
Come hand of heavy, lift
The weight, while love does grow

Lay soft you restless mind
Look not for further gain
But rest within this holy bed
Where living river flow

Cast sail O hope, please fly
While still the baby sleeps
Guide the waves that rock and shift
My trust upon each row

Look not beyond the stone
Where next your foot should land
In mire, in fear where courage sinks
Your steps will never know

I'll wait for you, Bright Star
to light and guide my way
There is no path, no path I'd lay
Without new seeds to sow

-written September 6

A different kind of number 2

2011-08-26T13:49:00.000-07:00

Last year I was introduced to one of those personality test-like tool thing-eeze. Not to be full of it, but just honest- my reaction to those tests is normally the same every time.....

             "ya.... i knew that."

Well, this one stumped me. So of course, I did some digging. I picked up a book that my sweet friend suggested and what I found was interesting. This tool uses numbers to identify different personality types. You can be a pure 1. You can be a 1-7-5. but reality is we are all, to some degree a bit of all of them. Even still, there are one or two numbers that resemble a person the most--- most of the time. Now, here's where I got stumped. I took the test and was told I was a 2.    but then I read the description that came with my number, and I laughed. It did not... not even a little... describe me the way that I would describe me. The only thing I really agreed with was when it said I was a "people person".

   this is true..

but the rest? the test was wrong at pinning me.

(here it comes- you and i both know how predictable this is).... but then....

over the next months I began to see it. The ways in which I relate to people--- really KNOWING people is important to me. I don't do well with the surface stuff. It blesses me to know someone-- the kind of knowing that leads you to grab just the right card at just the right time. or to know what foods to avoid when you are cooking for them. or how, specifically, a person needs to be told their loved. a home-made CD? or a hug? This type of relating to people is what keeps me moving... I want to be genuine all the time, and when I sense that others aren't being genuine, it bugs me. I appreciate originality- A LOT. and i love all the ways that people express it. I am extremely sensitive and value people's feelings, and you will almost always know how I'm feeling. You know that thing people do with their emotions and their sleeves? ya, I do that.

but i also started to see how along with the strengths are the weakenesses as well. What happens to my insides when I am unsure if I can relate to a person, or worse yet- they don't want to relate to me? Or what happens to my insides when I think I sense they don't need me anymore? I want that "relating" with people so badly that I hurt easily- I hurt others easily and I can get hurt easily. I can cross boundaries easily and I can forget to be wise in guarding my own boundaries sometimes. I can come across like I know what's best for someone--and lets be honest ( what do you expect-i wear sleeves with emotions on them) some times I really DO think I know what's best for someone

                     when i don't....

So I have been asking.......

asking God to help me rest in my belonging. in him. period.

asking God to help me check my motives daily.

asking God for pure, loving, and healthy relationships with the people in my life.

asking God to help me be honest about my weaknesses.

I am writing about this today because I spent most of today alone. It was a good alone- I ran errands, did some writing, sang some songs, and yet I still feel mildly anxious. Anxious because it still feels unfamiliar and new to just be with just me (that rhymed). There is space and room to listen to what goes on in my mind when it's just me. Its just me for motivation when it comes to cleaning house or being still. I enjoy the company of others so much, that I do believe I have some learning to do as to how to enjoy being with just me.

Anyone relate? How are you allowing God to teach you how to be the you He's created? The "you" with your strengths and weaknesses? and what's it like when you're with just you?

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.- 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

Jeep

2011-08-18T14:11:00.000-07:00

Today I read a blog written by an old friend. I haven't seen him in years. We shared quite a few interesting experiences together- some coated in joy and some coated in brokenness. I experienced quite a bit of adventure with this person. He was different, sort of a mystery to me, and I suppose that would be what drew me to want to know him. He was a great friend. I remember when he told me about how he read scripture, and what he loved about it. Now, I read scripture differently. He taught me how to enjoy soaking in music without much of an agenda- letting it be worship in and of itself. He taught me how to drive a jeep up and down a sand dune (or he let me try at least :)) and He also taught me about grace. and this, I just realized now.

You know how sometimes you don't see things unless you are looking backwards? Ya, that's me right now. If you would have told me then that I'd be where I am now, looking back on that time with these two eyes, I'd have never believed you. I feel like most people can probably look back on a season in their life or a relationship and say, "ya.. thank goodness I'm not who I was then", and trust me-- I have spent the last 5 years saying that. But it's been on repeat for too long, because here's the deal. No matter how much you and I carry brokenness or are blinded to our own issues or wounds, we are still SO incredibly, %100 percent loved by God. That is a fact. It is a non-negotiable.

Confession: On most occasions I choose to linger in unresolved things, times I can't go back and fix, or things that were hurtful for far too long before I decide to invite Jesus in and either heal, work it out, or move on. Sometimes I even despise my past or feel afraid to be associated with things of the past.

But God has a gentle and loving way of correcting that, calling me out of that. God is after our healing- all of us. and He is relentless in His love for us--- to help us walk through the things we don't want to. and He not only wants to heal us, but He wants to show us how he will take it, and use it for the Kingdom.

Today I found, through reading about an old friend's journey, a place in my heart, a time in my life, a "me I used to be" that I hadn't invited Jesus into. So to you, my friend-- I am sorry for any way that I took my brokenness out on you- and I am grateful for you- for what you taught me then, and what you taught me today. and I will also forever want a jeep wrangler because of you.

Control: First Take

2011-04-11T09:57:00.000-07:00

Because we are all human, I dare say that every person, whether they realize it or not wrestles with "control." I have found that life moves from season to season and each season comes with a new theme. you know- like the ONE thing that just keeps popping up every where you turn, as if someone is constantly standing infront of you with a sign that boldly says "DEAL WITH THIS." This morning I was reflecting on the themes I have recently encountered and in one way or another, they all seem to fit under the category of "control." Shall I give you a few examples?

Two and a half years ago when I got engaged to my incredible husband I was confronted with my addiction to love. I had become a professional at getting in and out of relationships as a way to maintain a feeling of being wanted and so of course- when you get engaged, one can't play that game anymore. (Thank the Lord.) The sign infront of me said, "DEAL WITH THIS- LEARN TO LET GO OF CONTROL AND LEARN REAL LOVE INSTEAD." Praise God.

Then there was a time where I found myself obsessing about getting sick. I was constantly in "what if" land. What if I am riding in the car with someone else and I have to throw up? What if I start feeling sick and I am far away from home? What if I don't feel well and people think I'm a baby? (Just being transparent here). It was a weird obsession that at the time felt like it came out of nowhere, but God slowly reminded me of other seasons in my life, elementary school, high school.. where i would wrestle with these same obsessions. The sign infront of me said, "DEAL WITH THIS- YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE IN CONTROL". Somewhere along the line I began to be afraid of sickness and pain because it was something I couldn't control and not only that but I worried that I would be a burden to others. The enemy is full of lies.
I have come a long way with the two examples I just gave, but in this current season the theme is more about waiting. My husband and I are thrilled about the idea of buying a home. and I could talk about this for a long time because we have been in it to our knees for weeks now, but the doors just aren't swinging open- for one reason or another. So we are waiting- kicking and screaming- but we are waiting. The sign says, "DEAL WITH THIS. LET GO OF CONTROL AND TRUST." Plus, it is a wonderful thing to learn to be content wherever you are and with whatever you have.

Issues of control point to one thing: That He is God and we aren't. Thank goodness. But sometimes I tend to think of God more in persuit of us than I do of Him in control. There is nothing controlling about love. What do you think?

Many more posts to come about wrestling with control.. assuming I remain a human.

Poem

2011-03-31T12:48:00.000-07:00

Apology

He sang the wrong note
Came with a crack and a slide
Give him a place to recover
Give him a place to hide

She said what she thought
Maybe rough but clear
It doesn’t fit with me
It’s not the place my dear

You cling; so insecure
You sit; must be unsure
You explain; know it all
You run; just wait, you’ll fall

I think; must be right
I feel; unfolds the night
I want; expecting hand
I need; my sinking sand

I used to know no one
Who lived this way
But now I do.. hear what I say
Im seeing it for what it is
It’s my own analysis

To you who sings
To you who fears
I’ve robbed you of much
And stabbed you with spears

So I didn’t have to see
This heartless place in me
The plank is rough and thick
With splinters that stick

I won’t try to pretend
Like I’ve known the receiving end
Every stab is one of a kind
But I’m putting it to death this time

I’m sorry for the things I said
And thought in my head

Fresh Food

2011-03-25T11:56:00.000-07:00

Seems like just yesterday but it was over a year ago now that I began an interesting journey with food. What began as an attempt to bring some health to my digestive system (why not be open right? ) became something that brought me more joy than I ever imagined- cooking and eating fresh foods. I had decided to try a gluten/wheat/dairy free diet for 7 months to kick start some healing in my body, and out of it came not only some delicious recipes, but also a growing love for God's creation. Not to sound cheezy, but I believe that we were created to have a relationship with our food, and worship God through it. So- I thought I'd share bits and pieces of that journey.. on Fridays- just cuz the word "Friday" starts with an "F" and so does "Food". clever.

*IMPORTANT NOTE: Most every recipe that I share on here either is or can easily be tweaked to be a gluten/wheat/dairy free option. and most every recipe will be great for using fresh vegetables, herbs, and fruits from your garden or the farmers market.

So I"ll just start with a yummy soup I tried for the first time this week. I have made many tortilla/taco soups, but I loved the texture of this soup in particular. Remember that you can always add season to your liking.

Tortilla Soup
*serves 6- could easily be doubled

1 tsp olive oil
1 sm onion, sliced thinly
2 jalepenos, seeded and sliced thinly
1 poblano pepper or green bell pepper, seeded, chopped into 1/2 in pieces
4 garlic cloves, minced
1/4 tsp red pepper flakes, optional
1 tsp salt
1 (24 oz) can whole tomatoes, undrained
1 (24 oz) can gluten-free vegetable broth (or make your own)
1 T ground cumin
4 oz gluten-free tortilla chips (abt 2 cups), divided
1 (15 oz) can pinto beans, drained and rinsed
1 cup frozen or fresh corn
1/2 cup choped fresh cilantro, plus extra for garnish
Juice from 1 lime
salt to taste

1. Place oil in 4-qt pot and saute' onions, jalepenos, and poblano (or green) pepper over med-high heat until onions are translucent, about 5 minutes. (add a little more oil or broth if needed). Add garlic, red pepper flakes, and salt and saute' for another minute.

2. Break up tomatoes with your fingers and add them to the pot, including the juice. Fill the tomato can with vegetable broth and add to the pot. Stir in cumin.

3. Crush half the hcips into crumbs (some bigger pieces are okay) and add to the pot. Cover and bring soup to a boil. Then lower heat to a simmer.

4. Add beans, corn and cilantro and let simmer for 5 more minutes. Add lime juice. Taste and adjust seasoning, adding salt to taste.

5. Ladle soup into serving bowls. Crumble remaining tortilla chips over the top and garnish with cilantro. (I liked adding avocado to mine. yum!)

*recipe from Living Without.com

Thanksgiving Thursday: Raw Conversations

2011-03-24T15:33:00.000-07:00

"It is what it is" is one of my new favorite quotes these days. I find myself using it often, when I don't feel like sugar coating something in Christianieze lingo or trying to pretend to make something it isn't. Often times my desire to avoid pain or dissapointment leads me to put a spicey spin on something to make it sound better to my own ears. Or, when someone I dearly love is sharing their own pain, and I feel stuck.. because I know that I can't change it...

I am thankful for honest, raw conversations.

In this last month I have experienced incredible transparency to the level that I never knew possible. I love my husband more because we've finally said things we were scared to say. I've grown closer to friends because we've realized that we've got more in common that we thought. I feel so much more connected with my family (blood and not blood) because we've listened, and saught understanding. and I am accepting myself more because I am not judging everything I let myself say before I say it. For this I am thankful- and I am thankful for those learning this along side of me.

For All You Tractor Lovers Out There

2011-03-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

The other night when David and I were just chillaxing at home I was trying to think of something I could do to unwind from the day. My mind runs like an energizer bunny and it never seems to stop and ask me my opinon of what pace I'd like it to run at. So, daily, I have to remind it who's boss. I decided on my newly integrated standby- play like a kid. It works every time. Since one of my other favorite things to do is turn on a CD and sit and listen to it all the way through, I visited my trusty GrooveShark and found Andrew Peterson and Randall Goodgame's CD called Slugs and Bugs. That's right baby- childrens songs all the way from lullabyes to my new favorite Tractor Tractor.

Now, my husband LOVES tractors, so when I heard this song, I KNEW he had to hear it too. It poses a question that is dear to every imagination, and every professional colorer: "who says that the sky has to be blue and trees have to be green and brown? Why not NEON orange or purple?" and "Why do tractors just have to harvest wheat? I say, LETS FLY THEM TO THE MOON!"

I adore the fact that to the Father, we will ALWAYS be children. He delights in our growing up in Him, of course. and He loves relating to us mature adults, but that does not change the fact that we are always His children first. It refreshes me to access a child like place inside. It reminds me that things are always more simple then what I make them to be, and I always hear the Father saying, "it's gunna be okay." It's at this point that not only my mind but my heart is at rest.

For those of you who are parents- This is an INCREDIBLE CD for kids- and for adults :) Enjoy- and don't forget to listen to the song ALL the way through! and don't pretend like you don't like it.

He Loves

2011-03-20T13:25:00.000-07:00

For those of you who were at Haven CRC this morning, here is the video that Rob Stam was talking about.

Although many have heard this song done by David Crowder it was originally written by this guy: John Mark McMillan. If you notice at the end of the video the voices sing: "when Heaven meets Earth like a sloppy wet kiss... ". These original words have made people squirm- I've seen it with my own eyes. But the reality of Love that these words describe is the Love I want to know.

These words and this Love is too much for me. When I think about the reality of it I'm done with- wrecked- over. Incapable of getting any words out. I am a mess at my best and I don't want to be any other way. It's not about the song- it's Love that gets me.

Updates and Elephant Ears

2011-03-19T22:25:00.000-07:00

So- its been a long time since I have updated this blog. Since my last post I have learned many 'o things, but one thing's for sure: just like I have to have my desk all cleaned and in order before I can start my work day, I needed to add some color... well.. some "cara" to the site. It was fun. Thanks to Julianna, for all the tips. So, although I know I can't always wait to feel inspired to write, hopefully now I will at least feel like my words will be surrounded by cuteness.

Updates from this past year of blog hermitting:

1. My husband and I celebrated our two year anniversary. We spent four days doing a whole lot of nothing. And in our world, that normally means watching HGTV, playing Skip-Bo, reading books, going for walks, eating, watching movies, having dance parties, and talking.. a LOT of talking. David planned a fun photo shoot for us, and on top of it all, we got to stay in a super cute place out by the lake- thanks to some dear friends.

put our wedding outfits back on

our walk out to the lake

2. David and I got the flu at the same time. Yuck!

3. A clown quirted me in the face with water for about a minute straight at a parade.

4. Took our middle school youth group to Grace Adventures for an awesome retreat.

5. Built a sweet fort.

Grace and Faith inside their fort

6. Had our last Thanksmas in Kentucky with my family, and then welcomed Grandpa and Grandma to Michigan.

singing to Grandma and Grandpa for Christmas

7. Celebrated with many friends as they welcomed new babies to their families.

Left to Right: Cara, Kristi, Josie, Noah, Jenna

8. AND...In the last year we have caught a toad, a mouse, and had a run in with a skunk at our house. Well, I suppose I should say, David caught them. But I was really good moral support, and handled the camera in a timely fassion.

don't worry- he was set free

And now, just in the last few days, I have felt the season change again. The sun is out, the air is fresh, and the windows are open. You know what this means??? Tulip Time is almost here. Bring on the elephant ears! Check back soon for most posts. It's good to see you again.

Newborn

2010-08-17T13:08:00.000-07:00

My husband and I are now at the stage of life where many of our friends are having children. It’s amazing what happens when there’s a new baby in the room. There is no longer a need for entertainment. Most of the time the crowd is content to either form a circle around the baby or form a pod of heads in front of the baby like a pack of Tootsie Pops, all attempting to give our best awkward, happy face to see who can make the baby laugh first. It’s not really a game, just a natural human instinct. Babies are amazing to watch. And life, from our perspective, seems so simple for them. Eat, sleep and poop. (Obviously there is more to it than that, but I am not a mom yet so I don’t know the intricacies of it all ☺.) Last time we were together as a group I leaned over to my friend and said, “Wouldn’t’ it be nice to be a baby again? Life would be so simple.”

We “grow up”. There’s bills to pay, dinner to make, relationships to maintain, prayers to pray, not to mention keep your own sanity through it all. Growing up is hard sometimes. We start trying to solve not just our own problems, but the world’s problems. We’re always trying to make things bigger and better; trying to find ways to get things done quicker. Where in the world does this come from? When I find myself worn down at the end of the day not from anything I did, but from the constant striving in my spirit and the bantering in my head of all I need to do and all I need to be, I have to open myself up and let Jesus meet me in that place. Most of the time, I don’t want to because that means I’ll need to look in a mirror and agree to work on what is revealed. And most of the time the idea of that seems more exhausting than what made me tired in the first place. But in reality, all of my vain attempts to be better by doing more is, in fact, pretty childish.

I was really encouraged recently as I read a monthly news letter my husband and I received from a camp called A Place For The Heart Every summer they host a school called The 18 Inch Journey (the distance from your head to your heart). It is a school for people ages 18-25 and the purpose is to “unlock the purpose that God has deposited” into each one who attends. The school just finished up for this summer season and in the newsletter was a bunch of mini-testimonials or reflections from students that had attended. One girl’s reflection stood out to me in particular. She discussed that she not only discovered that God loves her unconditionally but that God actually really LIKES her just as she is and that He doesn’t have a hidden agenda to change her so that she becomes better. Point being, it’s me and the lies I believe; me and my wrong thinking that makes life so complicated. There’s no one, especially not God, telling me that I need to do more, accomplish this, or look like that in order to be better.

You’ve read it a million times, that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. It is so true. But what is also true is that when God made you; when he breathed His life into you, He breathed EVERYTHING into you. If you are in Christ and He is in you, there is NOTHING to add to the package to make it better. What we have to do is learn to subtract all the stuff that we have tried to create in ourselves so that we get back to our original state of living in the simple yet extravagant fullness of God’s spirit within us. ( 1 Corinthians 2:12). I believe that in this place, in Him, is rest. Doesn’t it make your body feel a little lighter and your lungs breathe a little better to know that there is nothing you can do to make Him love you any more than He does this very second; than He did before you were even created?

I am finding that the more I let go of all of my own ideas and agendas for what growth “should” look like, the more I am growing. Funny isn’t it? This past weekend was powerful for me. I grew, and I know it. Want to know what I did? Friday night my husband and I played cards and had a “Friends” marathon. Saturday I dove into an amazing book and went to get our weekly vegetables from the farm. Sunday we came to church, shared dinner with family, and rested. You want to know how I grew? I enjoyed. I enjoyed God in the regular simple things of life. I enjoyed being who God made me to be. We really can over complicate things.

“He must become greater and greater. I must become less and less”- John 3:30

True growth happens when we let go of who we think we should be and let God shine forth who He made us to be….and to be that person in relationship with him. A friend of mine recently encouraged me by saying this:

“Cara, one thing God is desirous of is that we absolutely ENJOY HIM IN
EVERYTHING. That can only come as we approach the most mundane stuff
with a heart of worship. That is my heart for you.”

And in knowing that may we rest in Him like a newborn baby.

The Right to Write

2010-07-20T10:07:00.000-07:00

The Right to Write

Initiation Tool #1:

"This tool puts you directly into the water. Take three sheets of 8 1/2 by 11 paper. Start at the top of page one and for three pages describe how and what you are feeling right now. Begin where you are-physically, emotionally, and psychologically. Write about anything and everything that crosses your mind. This is a free-form exercise. You cannot do it wrong. Be petty,critical, whining, scared. Be excited, adventurous, worried, happy. Be whatever and however you are at this moment. Get current. Feel the current of your own thoughts and emotions. Keep your hand moving and simply hang out on the page. when you have finished writing three pages, stop." - Julie Cameron

----------------

I've been stuck in this place for quite some time. Sitting here in this black office chair that needs WAY more padding. i stare at the corner of my office wall which is the one place I have needed to hang something- SOMETHING besides cream colored paint. There is absolutely nothing inspiring about that. I have "girlified" this office as much as I could- picture frames, a marker board,decorated in all pretty colors, even a gorgeous flower painting on the wall. There is an inviting, checkered and colored chair anticipating the comfort it will give someone. There's my macbook that is covered with the nastiness of hand dirt and tons of neatly organized books, binders, and office shelf organizers. I've lit candles for aroma and a touch of rest to the atmosphere- and to top it all off- there's an apple in case i get hungry.

But the irony is in how completely uninspired I feel. And my buddy Andy Gullahorn singing about how precious life is, is not helping me push over this deep sense of boredom I feel in my flesh. I am always tempted, as Julie was describing, to try to write something truly profound or to put my thoughts together in a way that puts off a witty and clever sent. But she's right- there are too many rules. I admit my fears of not REALLY writing what is within me because of too much thought on HOW Im' supposed to do it, or how it's suppose to sound. Well, I have this thing where I really like to write poems- and I guess I have some rules I made up for that, too, but they are rules to make sure I keep it fun. The rules are- no erasing and no thought to whether or not it rhymes. And although it's not a rule, most of my poems mention a gastrointestinal function of some sort I've written poems about animals, hair, music, friends and have even given them as gifts. The funny thing is- people like the poems- and I like the poems. I even had a PROPHET say i was a poet- "you're middle name should be poems", he said. and some have suggested, and even I have thought on what it would be like, to pursue higher education in poetry or writing. But then I think the rules would change- There's be TOO many rules and I'd lose my love for the way I write poems right now.

So even though I'm sitting in this office completely uninspired, and my spirit and emotions are fighting the wave that this season of change and unknown has brought about, I'd rather be here than think I have it all together. I'd prefer to know God in the mundane every day things than only on the mountaintop. Plus, Andy Gullahorn is now singing, "you can weep like a baby, you can sink like a stone, you can break and go crazy- all right here in my arms- you're alright here in my arms."

I know that God will show me how to find Him and find inspiration in the "uninspired" times because He is always there. And I am always here, in His arms.

I can hear the birds

2010-03-31T14:02:00.001-07:00

Today I can hear the birds outside my window. How amazing and refreshing. In honor of this, I have decided to post this poem I wrote last year about one special bird in particular. Enjoy.

Weird Bird

i look out my window and see
a bird sitting and looking at me
i wonder about this birds ways
how she visits almost every day
but I don't think she means to

the day before last she came
head first in the glass, got a sprain
you'd think she'd learn but instead
flew into the glass with her head
and there she sits on the corner

i wonder if she's thinking
on why her plan keeps stinking
shes either confused or blind
or can't make up her mind
but she's still a pretty bird

i named her Troy
except i'm not sure she's a boy
her color is yellow and red
and a little black on the head
kinda weird lookin actually

but i hope somehow she'll know
that every time she tries to go
through the glass with her head
that I've sat here and said
she's a crazy bird, but i love her

this is a true story.
by, me

Knower

2009-11-03T10:16:00.000-08:00

Beyond what I can see
Papa, invade me
in a way that jealousy
is what my senses know
for they're not what
you need
to communicate to me
that you're here

and you know
that the inner man
can't grow
when the outer man is satisfied
for the satisfied soul
is missing out on
what it doesn't know
that life lived by the soul
isn't whole.

My mind, will, emotions too
are yes, indeed a gift from you
but if mind, will, emotions too
are left alone for me to use
using is what I will do

To know you
beyond what i see
and touch is to trust
that my emotions
are not often trust worthy
You place your heart in my inner man
and I am not left

to stand and wonder
if I've sensed right or wrong
Could this be true?
but I sit back and hide
in this place, inside,
where my knower knows it's you

So I ask of you, Papa, please
invade me
that I'd never be the same
In your heart Ill know
my name
and I won't ever wonder
if I missed you

Honor

2009-09-03T12:50:00.001-07:00

Some days when I feel like posting something on my blog I have to scrounge around in my mind to find something to write about. That is not the case today. I have had one thing on my mind all day... how much I appreciate my husband. I just want to honor him among men, for he is so faithful... in all things... and he teaches me regularly about the love of my Father. and I know that learning to love and serve one person only for a lifetime, will be and is a strengthening joy.

Let someone know you honor them.

What lot?

2009-08-31T11:51:00.000-07:00

There's been a lot. When is there not, really? and if any of it has any negative connotation, we normally consider that good, for it strengthens, stretches and produces character. My husband and I, being newly married, are learning that there will always be a lot, and how important it is to be intentional about making time for each other, to strengthen our relationship. We are also finding that this isn't just true for us. It seems like those we journey with closely, also have a lot. I would be surprised to come across a person who doesn't love a day with no plans, and not much to think about. I am not sure what your "lot" looks like but mine has been filled with tasks, conversations, convictions, relationships, goals, dreams, prayers.. and well... life I guess.

I've been learning a lot about Paul recently as I committed myself to Acts and now into Romans.... I've been learning how real of a person he was, and that he had a lot too. Admitting his complete imperfection, and the "lot" that he wrestled with inside..... there is something he concluded........

In the light of love, and of grace---- the "lot" always seems less when we bring Him into the picture. Right.... I know... this is obvious..... but I have to confess that maybe I'm like Paul in my confession that I am the worst of them all.. I love to keep my "lot" a lot... thinking that somehow that's what matters. Or if I can pull something out of my "lot" that I know deep within I can't fix... focusing on proving it other wise should make the "lot" seem less. But it doesn't.

I am convinced, that the only thing that can invade the "lot" is He who made Himself less.

Father, would you please invade my "lot" and simply get to me with your love. Invade my way of thinking, and in fact, please invade all of my ways.. until they are all filtered through the way of becoming less.

My Walls

2009-08-19T12:40:00.000-07:00

I was recently introduced the music of Jonathan David Helser. His album, "Walk Through The Walls" is one of the most honest and stretching albums I have heard in a long time. Soaking in worship while driving in my car, I could do nothing but cry as I was caught in it. I get an image of a wild current that just pulls you in- The Father's Kingdom has movement, rapid movement and when you let Him walk through your walls, or when you let your walls down altogether, there is a flood- a flood from your heart that's been waiting to step into the current and let it take you away! I don't know about you but I NEED to worship! First reason being because God is who He says that He is.... and second, so I can move to deeper and more new places with HIM! If your heart is in that place I would recommend getting this album and worshiping your guts out.

Me and My Monkey Friend chapter 1

2009-07-22T12:56:00.000-07:00

I have recently learned from a good friend the joy of writing and sending cards to people. You can go to the store and find the perfect card, or you can grab yourself a blank one and write your own special message. My mother n law makes amazing cards that have such a special touch. No matter what kind of card, there are many ways in which you can make the card special. I normally choose to include random poems I make up on the spot--it's just this thing i do. The other day though, the poem just wasn't quite doing it for me. I had kind of been a stinky friend and I wanted to pour my heart out in the card to share how I was really feeling. So I skipped the poem and filled up the whole card with way too many words that just sounded fake and stupid when I read it over.
I tore that one up and tried again. Funny thing is, I wrote about monkeys. When I told myself I was going to get real and not be fake, that's what came out. I couldn't really see how writing about monkeys was going to be any better than the cheesy, fake card I had previously written, but I went for it. The analogy unfolded so perfectly, just like my laundry does right after I've folded it all.
I wrote about how I felt like I had been like a monkey as a friend; swinging from place to place, coming across absent more than anything. not to mention that being an absent friend simply smells... as do monkeys. there just is nothing good about a stinky monkey smell. and I can tell you that for a fact because my husband and I just went to the zoo on a date two weeks ago and those monkey reeked.
But then I went on, inspired by the monkey idea, discussing the things that we could learn from monkeys. I thought and wrote on a few things that seemed consistent in the monkey culture:

1. Bananas!!! Every monkey that I have ever known has held a high interest in bananas. It's amazing what food can do. Isn't it true that food helps bring people together??? No matter what the differences are or our preference in taste; there are things in life that, if you'll allow them, will keep you connected. A good meal, a good coffee, a good book, a ripe banana... these are all things that are not meant to be experienced alone. I shared with my friend in the card, that I love how our Father just knows what those things are that can keep us connected.

2. Bugs!!! So like I said earlier, my husband and I were just at the zoo, and I sat there, staring through the window as these big baboon things were sitting in group picking bugs off of each other and then eating them. I am not sure why i was so fascinated by it, but I was. I wanted to figure out the root behind their bug eating addiction, I think :) like maybe if I could figure it out then i could help them find a banana to eat as opposed to the bug off their friend's back. Unfortunately, I didn't stand their long enough to figure it out, but I did stand their long enough to realize that for whatever reason... they couldn't help but pick and eat their friends bugs. just couldn't help it.
I have bugs. Some big ones.. some little ones.. some are maybe more obvious than others. They have names too. Lets see there's Selfish, Insecure, Fearful, Lazy... but there's other ones too like Wit, Joy, Laughter, Love.... I wrote in the card to my friend about how it has changed me to have a friend who loves me enough that she can't seem to help but pick through my bugs... and what I mean is... when there's a bad bug, she doesn't literally eat it, but she's willing to take that thing and help me get rid of it. right? and then celebrates the good bugs too :) Monkey's don't deny the presence of bugs, they just do what they gotta do to weed out the bad ones. I really appreciate that in a friend.

3. Monkey's don't take showers!!!! as if picking bugs off our friends isn't enough-- further yet, we can learn from monkeys that if you've got bug pickers, showers just aren't needed. (bear with me :) ) As a girl, I cannot even begin to count the number of hours I have spent in front of the mirror. whether it was to evaluate how my body was fitting my clothing, or to paint my face for the day.. or to make my hair perfect, it is a common place to find worth. But you see, my friend has really taught me some amazing tricks--- although good hygiene is very important-- washing hair is over rated :) Did you know there are about 500 ways that you can make your hair work for more than 2 days without washing it? anyways... I just got to thinking that there's something very unconditional about that.. I learned quickly from my friend that her love for me was not based on how clean my hair was or if I smelled like I hadn't taken a shower in 10 days. I would imagine that monkeys don't keep track of how often their friends are showering or doing their hair. It's a good lesson we can learn. There is nothing like the feeling of being loved unconditionally.

So, with a little nudging from my friend, I have begun to record this silly analogy in hopes that maybe it will expand-- maybe I will learn so much about monkeys that I will be able to tie everything there is to know about friendship to the love and life of monkeys. and why would I do this? I am not sure, but it's a lot more fun and a lot more special than writing a card that sounds fake.

My prayer is that every person will find a monkey for a friend.

Songs: New or Old

2009-07-17T13:04:00.000-07:00

So that last few hours didn't feel quite close to productive, but I am going to choose to believe that it was. You see I've got about 20 songs that are half written--- normally first and second verse and maybe a chorus. So I have recently given my word to a dear friend that I would complete this one particular song. That was my goal today. I gave the piano (well actually myself) a pep talk before I started, asked Holy Spirit for help and off I went. Now, many hours later, I just might have completed one more measure of the song.. which to my flesh feels like no progress at all. but as I left the piano, I began to sense that although the song isn't finished.. and although I don't FEEL like I accomplished a lot... I did. I learned some stuff. I learned to keep trying even if you've tried many times before. I learned to practice patience, even with myself. and I learned that some times things don't go as I plan them, but letting that be OK is a good thing.

so.... a song that when completed will be new, is feeling rather old to me at this time, but I am trusting it will all come together when the time is right.

I love old and new music--- I love finding new singer song writers to listen to--- but I also love discovering music that has been around forever, but somehow feels so new and fresh to me...

If you are a musician yourself, I'd love to hear your art-- and I'd also love some suggestions for some new stuff to listen to :)

It is also FRIDAY!!! which means it's time for a "Friday Favorite":

Right now, my top 3 favorite movies:

1.Meet the Robinsons

2.New to Town

3.Up!

-Cara

Forgotten Favorite

2009-07-15T07:43:00.000-07:00

I am not sure if you noticed or not but last week Thursday I promised the beginning of my "Friday Favorites" and then Friday rolled around and I totally didn't post anything. That is completely lame. So in honor of last Friday's Favorite:

Top 5 Favorite Musicians/Bands and their albums (right now at least):

Rita Springer- Beautiful You

Sleeping At Last- Keep No Score

Sara Groves- The Other Side of Something

Jason Upton-Faith

Jon Foreman- Limbs and Branches

I'd love to hear your comments on these artists and albums.. as well as to learn what YOUR top 5 favorites are!!!

Ha Ha

2009-07-14T13:48:00.000-07:00

Waiting.... often times an ugly word. Maybe it's more uncomfortable than it is ugly. Waiting looks differently for every person. There are probably as many ways to wait as there are cheerios in my bowl in the morning. Like waiting for that person to take their first steps off of the plane and into the terminal.. you see them... they don't yet see you.... how did you get to that point? 2 years worth of long distance love letter writing has led you to this place---- now you'll never be apart again. Long lost cousin Maggie randomly calls and says she's coming home for Grandma's funeral and lucky you, you're her chauffeur. Or Your best friend moved last year due to her husband's job relocation and she's in town for the girl's annual shopping weekend in Chicago.... You've been waiting for your child who left in rage to, simply put, ..... come home...... whether one waits for years, or minutes we all wait differently.. but we all know the feeling....Some sweat, some run, some hide, some eat, some cry, some pray, some write... and some laugh.

I was just reading an amazing book called, "Waiting.. Finding Hope When God Seems Silent" written by Ben Patterson. He says, "The only thing worse than waiting is waiting without laughing."

Some laugh out of bitterness when we have to wait for or in something we have no control over...... or some laugh because life just does that thing.... you know.... that thing... and then some laugh because they simply trust that God is who He says that He is, and have no choice but to just let Him stay that way. Laughter is beautiful.

My dearest friend Jen has the most intense laugh and its intensity is enough to change a person.. and I mean this in the best way possible-- her laugh is a pure gift from heaven every time it erupts (and erupt is most definitely the right word). I am not sure how to explain it.... but when she herself has realized that something just happened, whether internally or externally, that is worth laughing about.... she reaches to the depths of her soul, takes the biggest breath you could ever imagine... (almost feels like you're anticipating a volcano explosion)... and out it springs forth with intense volume and character. I cannot tell you the number of times that an experience with Jen's laugh has stripped me of any negative thought or feeling and replaced it with a refreshing sense of joy. I love this about her.

We have to learn how to laugh in the waiting... in our total inability to do what only God can do...... to just let Him be who He is.................. Father, please help me let go and laugh.....

Dot Dot Dots...

2009-07-09T13:31:00.000-07:00

How about the simple things? books, brownies, holding hands, fresh cut lawns, the breeze, laughing... or even things that don't seem to be simple, but are in their truest forms like, love, prayer, faith, joy, peace.... I am grateful for all of these things. Sometimes I like to pretend that every single one of my posts needs to be grand, extravagant, deep, impacting, well written..... well this one has a lot of dot dot dots cuz today.....i'm just gunna keep my mind fixed on the simple, God-given in love, gifts that we are surrounded with and every day.

Oh Also: I also just decided that every Friday I am going to post a "favorite".
"Favorite what?" you ask.
You'll see tomorrow--- CUZ TOMORROWS FRIDAY! and I am very grateful for that simple fact.

Thank you David

2009-06-30T18:06:00.000-07:00

To truly know a person calls for a journey. It calls for much time invested, much honesty, and a lot of love. Every person has, not only a spirit, a soul, a mind, a heart, but every person has emotions, experiences, stories, and dreams. Well I'd like to take this opportunity, to introduce to you the best part of me. His name is David. Its amazing how the Father allows two people to become one. Sometimes it's a hard thing to wrap your mind around, but when you realize that even after a few months you think you are starting to look more and more like each other, you realize it's true :) But it is beautiful how the more you see and know someone's heart the more you want to see the things in their heart come to life. David has taught me about this, as he has, from day one, encouraged me to write, to play music, to read, to spend time in the things that make my heart come alive. So every time I sit down to write, or play music, or even spend time investing in the youth group kids, I think of him.

Isn't it an amazing gift to be able to be your partner's number one fan? So this entry is to not just introduce him, or to share fun pictures or tell stories, but to say thank you to him for being my best friend and companion. Here's our story:

Almost two years ago exactly, I took a job working at Haven CRC church in Zeeland, MI. It had been a long summer and I was beyond grateful for this job, not to mention that I got to hang with middle school kids and play music. Pretty good deal. At this point in my life I was doing everything I could to "try" to not be interested in finding my spouse. But it wasn't long after I arrived at Haven that, admittedly, I started noticing this fine looking young man who would sit half way up the right side of the sanctuary (if you're looking from the stage). I knew that he was involved in the high school youth program, but since I was the middle school director I figured I shouldn't even think about it.

So come to find out he was indeed a intern for the high school group, so due to our youth involvement we ended up spending much time together. (are you sensing where this is going?). We would spend many hours late at night discussing God, the world, our lives, our fears, and anything else you can imagine, until we finally hit a point where we needed to admit to each other the obvious: that we were spending WAY more time together than normal friends do. We went back and forth trying to figure out what to do, concerned a bit about whether or not it was appropriate with our working situation. (and I suppose if we were truly ready to be official :) )

For new years eve our friends invited David and I both to their cabin to go snowmobiling. I had never done this before so I took full advantage of an opportunity to have David teach me how to run a snow mobile... On our first trip out on the sleds, we got our first picture ever together :) (thanks Wayne and Deb :) )

I think it was there, that we both realized how much we truly enjoyed being around each other. So a few days upon returning home, Dave took me on a great date to the sand dunes and we had a blast trying to climb those huge things in winter boots :) or I did, at least. It was official. It was also really windy!

In the following months we went on many adventures.

We celebrated Dave's birthday. This would be the first of MANY times he would receive tools from me as a gift :)

and before we knew it, November came and David proposed :) He played and sang a song he had written for me at the church where we met. It was amazing.

I spent so many years trying to figure out what it meant when people said, "you'll know when you know". Well what I knew, was that David was the real deal. He was a man of his word, he loved the Father, he was kind, gentle, good, faithful, selfless.... this is how I knew. His life lined up with the Word of God, and I knew that this choice would be VERY pleasing to the Father.

A few engagement shots done (as well as all of our wedding photos) by our beautiful and talented friend, Christina Terpstra (we recommend her to ANYONE!!)

We chose to plan a simple wedding (although nothing about wedding planning seems simple while you're doing it). It came together so beautifully and was everything I could have ever wanted. Shall we take a minute to relive it???!!! Okay, Great idea!!! Don't have to ask me twice :)

On Feb 26, 2009 we held our rehearsal at Haven CRC followed by a dinner catered by Cafe' 58 at City On A Hill Ministries. They make the best food!! and of course they are amazing people!!

Weirdos :)

The 27th I spent with my girls- we did the whole getting pampered thing and it was just awesome!!

Then Saturday Feb 28, 2009 was our special day :) Seeing your almost spouse for the first time on that day is truly magical. There is no feeling like it.

He was/is the most handsome groom!

and the wedding begins...

we had our friends come pray over us..

My brother, Jeremy Hoekstra, and friend, Dwight Beal, played all of the music for us... it was such a gift.

We ended the ceremony by washing each other's feet.

WE DID IT!!! (this picture of us hugging was taken as soon as we got to the back of the sanctuary. Our moment of celebrating together-- I will never forget this moment) We had a punch and cookies reception right at the church after the ceremony.

Then we went to take a bunch more pictures before we headed out our party at Post Family Farm.

Our friends gave us this lovely gift :)

and on to our party at the farm.

we were given a very precious apple sauce toast :) Due to David's apple sauce addiction and our new last name (Maat: pronounced "Mott")

After an amazing toast by our Matron of Honor and Best Man, Jennifer and Jared Adams, a lovely pulled pork meal (only fitting for a reception in a barn).. it was time to cut the cake

and then following that it was time to dance!!!
First was David and I...

then my Dad and I..

Then we did what we called a "donation dance". Dave wore his tool belt and I wore a little purse and if people wanted to dance with the bride or groom they had to drop some $ into my purse of Dave's belt. We had a riot with this! (In this picture dancing with us are our friends Jenna and Andy Spears)

Then it was REALLY time to party. We had moved all the tables and chairs, hired a caller, and had ourselves a big ol' square dance :) I would recommend this to ANYONE. It gets people up and moving around and ANYONE can do it! it's fun for those who don't like to dance :)

Us with Jen and Jared Adams!!

and of course by the end of the night we were exhausted :)

I am so grateful to have had such an incredible wedding with such an incredible man! Thank you to all who helped make it what it was. For a honey moon we went to the Amway, then tooled around Traverse City and spent the rest of the week settling in at home. Having the empty schedule allowed us some very sweet time to just be together in our new home.

Since then, which was JUST over 4 months ago, we have had some incredible experiences. One being that were able to join some close friends and family on a trip to Disney to celebrate two little miracle girls! It truly was magical. Here are just a few of my favorite shots of Dave and I from our trip:

(I cried when I saw the castle for the first time.... serious... ask David :) )

Belle was my favorite.. totally star struck :)

but this is the best: David found the Lego store and was in high heaven!!

Hopefully you now have a better sense of the best part of me. It truly is a miracle what happens when two people commit their lives to each other. I am learning more and more about this every day. So since the main purpose of this post was to say thank you to David... I'll end with this: THANK YOU DAVID!!!!!!!! :) I love you.

Little White Birdie

2009-06-26T10:11:00.000-07:00

Although I claim to absolutely love surprises, I have this strange ability (or maybe it's a need) to figure out the surprise so it is then no longer a surprise. Ask my husband- he learned this very quickly. Similarly, when I was younger, I'd poke and prod my mom and dad to tell me how they managed to get that magical piece of information I just had to know and they'd respond with, "a little birdie told me." I don't know, there's just something about having a mystery dangled before your eyes and not being allowed to access it. I will openly admit that it's probably a control thing, or maybe a fear thing; or maybe both since control things normally come from fear things. But there is always one who never seems to have this problem: the little birdie.

Oh the brilliance of this little birdie to be able to know all things at all times. He must also be in mad, awesome shape to be able to travel at light speed to make sure that all of the messages he needs to deliver arrive to just the right person at just the right time. He also must be someone's favorite in order to be the carrier of such precious information. One might view this little birdie as a know-it-all. I, personally, have thought this many times. (and yes, I am admitting this). but what if the birdie is actually a simple, receiver of gifts---- that he didn't do anything, necessarily, to earn his role, but somehow he's trusted and blessed.

Much time and energy can be wasted when we poke and prod around simply trying to have all of the answers and all of the control. I am sure by now we have all learned that there are just some questions without answers, but unfortunately that doesn't always keep us (more specifically, me) from trying to convince ourselves that if we just keep trying the answers will come. If we fully understood God, then God would not longer be God. and truth be told, we need Him so desperately to save us from ourselves.

I recently read an article that a dear friend had written on prayer. He said this:

"In the spring of 1980 I was suffering great pain from what was diagnosed as two herniated discs in my lower back. The prescription was total bed rest. But since my bed was too soft, the treatment ended up being total floor rest. I was frustrated and humiliated. I couldn't preach, I couldn't lead meetings, I couldn't call on new prospects for the church. I couldn't do anything but pray.
Not that I immediately grasped that last fact. It took two weeks for me to get so bored that I finally asked my wife for the church directory so I could at least do something, even if it was only pray for the people of my congregation. Note: it wasn't piety but boredom and frustration that drove me to pray. But pray I did, every day for every person in my church, two or three hours a day. After a while, the time became sweet.
Toward the end of my convalescence, anticipating my return to work, I prayed, "Lord, this has been good, this praying. It's too bad I don't have time to do this when I'm working."
And God spoke to me, very clearly. He said, "Stupid (that's right, that was his very word. He said it in a kind tone of voice, though). You have the same twenty-four hours each day when you're weak as when you're strong. The only difference is that when you're strong you think you're in charge. When you're weak you know you aren't." (Ben Patterson)

What is so sweet is that when we get to that point, of surrendering our flesh to His control, Holy Spirit begins to whisper His sweet mysteries. We are loved unconditionally, but it is out of obedience that we, like the little birdie, get to experience God in ways that don't come simply from human effort.

I am 100% convinced that there is absolutely NOTHING like a moment with the Father when you receive a revelation from him; A revelation being when something moves from your head to your heart. You get a deeper and more truer understanding of how much you are truly loved. Or a verse you have been wrestling with finally comes to life. Or the direction in which you should go has been made clear. Or what you never thought you could do, through Him, you now can. Whatever the revelation is.... .nothing compares. We all are little birdies in some sense--- but I think that the more we keep our minds on him, the less interested we become in all of the things we don't have control of all of the things we can't understand or don't know.

I am choosing to live forever in the beautiful mystery of His intense love. Maybe I can't understand it all, but I want it.